I’m God’s number four: Harare ‘prophet’ claims
Controversial Prophet talent Madungwe is at it once more.
Controversial Prophet skill Madungwe
The controversial prophet claims there were best 60 righteous individuals in Harare in the month of April on his city’s righteous chart which ranked Paris as the least city with 25 individuals.
He claims handiest just a few of the country’s universal clerics had been among the many righteous.
The self-proclaimed God’s consultant claims to be the fourth influential determine after God, Christ and the Holy Spirit and the biblical angels Michael and Gabriel come after him.
Prophet Madungwe pointed out he was with God on April 30 nonetheless it changed into no longer possible to have pictures with Him.
“that you could’t have images of God, the https://sedayubet.org cameras will now not function. He got here to me in physical kind on April 30.
“best 60 americans had been righteous in the month of April and among those handiest just a few of the widespread prophets have been among the checklist. I can not show the names
“I got here fourth as a result of I performed greater the others. performance is judged monthly. In April I saw God and he ordained me to be his marketing consultant, instructed me when the area will come to an end,” he pointed out.
The controversial cleric claims he has been advised when the world will come to an end.
“God told me that if all individuals repent, the world will come to an conclusion in 300 years but when it is not the case then it might be one hundred years,” he stated.
He noted he has been tasked to be God’s video display on this planet.
“As I actually have noted, I’m God’s consultant and that i will have a gathering with Him and inform him if people are repenting. This should be in five years,” he referred to.
Madungwe who claims to have seen God in 20 times described what Heaven appear to be.
“Earth is the photocopy of heaven. The best change is that heaven is inbuilt gold. Heaven is like big apple metropolis handiest that it’s inbuilt gold,” he spoke of. H Metro
Ugghhhh, I drew this up and every little thing! i’m so dull!
Christian numerologist David Meade’s idea that the realm will conclusion on Sept. 23, as a result of what he sees as biblical indications, has so far been met with stupid shrugs from the world’s residents.
here to remark is God.
well, or not it’s official: i am God and that i am a frigging large moron! I absolutely forgot that i was supposed to conclusion the area these days.
these days is Sept. 23, 2017 and that guy who said the realm turned into supposed to conclusion these days became completely appropriate. however jeez louise, I freakin’ completely blanked on it.
Boy oh boy, do I think like a friggin’ DOOF or what?
here i am with nothing truly going on, it’s the middle of the afternoon and that i realize, “Oh SHIT — i was purported to end the world!”
honestly how I forgot this is past me.
I saw the four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse riding out this morning and opening the first four of the seven seals and that i become just like.”What are these goofballs as much as?” I didn’t consider anything else of it really. Then, like wayyy later, it hit me: AH! THAT’S MY CUE TO conclusion the area.
Ugh. I completely forgot. i was purported to flood earth with hearth, disorder, and unhealthy the likes humanity has by no means seen and it simply went right over my head. Gahhh, here’s so embarrassing.
This pic has been on my imaginative and prescient board for literally one thousand years and i can’t trust that I pooched this so nasty.
I installation the whole element! The eclipse, the alignment of a number of planets and constellations, the forming of a secret hidden planet known as Nibiru — all of it. To be honest I don’t even bear in mind what I instructed these guys, but I simply noticed in my cal that it became purported to be these days!
Ugh, I just totally pooched it. once more!
Ugh, I simply totally pooched it.
My boss is gonna have my ass for this. i used to be supposed to conclusion the realm so time and again by now and that i simply keep fucking it up. What’s my excuse this time? Come on, God, get it together dude. stupid dull dull!
I just tried to login into my apocalypse desktop and, Jesus Christ, wouldn’t you understand it, I forgot the password. this is just superb. I’ve tried all my passwords and NOTHING. “12345678” “tacos” “tacos1” “Tacos1” “Tacos1!” “godiscool” everything. What the hell is it? Oh well. Too late anyway, gonna have to dangle off a couple of years.
okay, it’s gonna be 2020. That’s when the world is ending. I’ll identical to make all the volcanoes go off without delay or anything. I don’t know. i’ll figure whatever out. 2020! I’ll set an alarm presently.
Ugh. Sorry everyone.
Thanks for analyzing Mashable Humor: original comedy day by day. Or most days. We’re individuals, similar to you, and we’re making an attempt our finest.